So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.  James 4:8 (Msg.)

Things have been improving quite dramatically. The dedicated love of friends has been quite refreshing. I’ve been studying the word with a beloved mentor 3 times a week and the accountability and the encouragement have worked wonders. You have to give yourself over to accountability. No one can force it on you. You have to decide that “this is what I need, and I’m commiting to it for my own good”. It’s not easy, pride must take a back seat. I’m loving the Master more each day, The dark humanistic cloud that amplified my cynicism is giving way to compassion. Master continue to make me tender.

This strange feeling came on perhaps a couple weeks ago. It’s tough to describe because it transcends the physical and seems to fluctuate through my existence. A sort of tugging sensation just above my stomach, kind of like the feeling I would imagine having after seeing something indescribably horrific. I went to sleep feeling fine and woke up with a sense of sickening sadness. It goes and comes now. I even get days of relief without having to endure it. It’s intruiging and depressing at the same time. Part of me wants to know why its happening and a larger majority just wants it to stop. Before anyone gets worried, I’d like you to know that life is good, my dreams and aspirations are intact as is my relationship with my beautiful wife. I don’t see a need for worry, for all I know this is nothing at all. So yeah, intruiging is about the only word that best describes the situation. Its pain and curiosity jumbled into each other.

If Antichrist represents all that would separate us from our creator, and luls us into a false sense of security, then I would like to propose that we make the word religion synonymous with the word antichrist. Religion is exactly what was initially offended at Christ’s coming was it not? and wasnt it religion that drove the ordinary human being into a weak shell of ego for fear of transparency, therby insuring his ultimate shame? I want to know the master in a way that I havent heard described yet. More to come on this.. Feel fre to comment or discuss…

I’ll have another blog ready and published soon. for now feel free to look back at my past stuff.

Ever so often our group of friends gathers to enjoy a meal together, or a movie, or some other type of diversion. As I have been trying to imagine what church might have been like before 325 AD, I remembered back to the last time our group just hung out. Was that what church was like? Maybe church was alot like our coffee house forums, Or better yet maybe it was like  a certain gathering we all used to enjoy at a certain person’s home. I have yet to see any Biblical commandment, authority or responsibility given to the church as an organization . Instead I see alot of what the Bible says directed to humans. What in all of our wisdom have we done to the community, fellowship, friendships, and power of the early church? Constantine used the church to build his kingdom and men have used the church to build kingdoms ever since. And in the process the church birthed of miracles was neutered. I used to intern at a sports club when I was a kid. One thing I remember was that the largest area of that complex was taken up by the rec pool. Not the lap pool or the weight area, not the tennis courts, basketball courts, or aerobics area. not even the “outdoor track” took up as much space as the gear shop/snack bar/grill/actual bar/sauna equipped rec pool area. Sure people went to work out but mostly people paid their memberships in order to sit by the rec pool in their expensive swimsuits (which they couldn’t get wet by the way) and socialize. They did no real working out, they made little to no effort at utilizing their membership to better themselves or others, And often that’s how I see church. Were a country club, We really aren’t learning, growing, or changing. We are as Christ said, “white washed tombs”. I’ll never forget the totally out of shape guy sitting on the bench in the locker room giving advice to the high school athelete on how to lower his 40 yard dash time. But isn’t that the church? aren’t we the ones all fat and ugly judging the world through our stained glass windows? Perhaps we ought to be like that freshmen cross country team, nowhere near championship material but nonetheless working as a team to better ourselves. encouraging one another, and win lose or draw you end up with a brotherhood, a family. Perhaps its not about how fancy your sound system is or if your church seats 60,000, or if your putting out the latest in contemporary worship. We have become a church unto ourselves. Even in non denominational circles where we tout our “freedom from religion” we are so very religious. There are whole markets that target Christians as a consumer group. We have become a demographic, a number. Very little of what the Church is, actually reflects Jesus the man, and we are becoming increassingly less reflective of Jesus the movement.  One of our pastors came up to me one Sunday and told me that someone suggested we install elevators for handicap access to the upper levels of our facilities. The Pastor responded in thought  with, “well if were a full gospel church, then why do we have handicapped people her?” I agreed. We’ve developed a world where Christians are to be catered to, and that is probably the most effective tool the enemy has been able to use against the people of God so far. When a group of people that shine under pressure, and excel when persecuted, willingly subject their faith to the law of this world, then essentially that group has hired the wolves to guard the sheep. “Christian book store”, ‘Christian Gift Shop”, “Christian hip hop, rap core, and contemporary music”, “Christian Schools”, “Christian theme Parks”, “Christian Radio” and now ‘Christian Movies” we have created our own exclusive subculture. A few years back I was thinking about this very same thing and I came up with a funny name with which to make fun of this attitude, FishCulture. Because rather than draw an Icthus on the ground out of fear for our lives, we proudly tattoo it on ourselves and wear it on our shirts, necklaces, bracelets, and rings. Lets face it, being a Christian in modern America is nothing like being a christian in the first couple hundred years after Christ’s Ascension. As the post above mentions, I have come to realize that the cozy society we live in has done more damage to our faith than it has helped. Somewhere along the way we got it into our heads that as christians were are indowed with the rights to unreasonable comfort and immunity. We should all go back and reread the sermon on the mount. In a vain attempt to “help God out” we created a man made religious movement that recognizes false piety and acts of  so called righteousness as opposed to an actual relationship with the creator. Christ didnt come to start a religion, he didnt come to give us another institution to live by. he came to fulfill God’s will to be reconciled to his people. We, (when I say we I really mean I) are so far from the heart of the father. So many christian things have kept me from getting closer to Christ himself. But I consider the fact that even though the church is a mess, and even though this is probably not what the Lord intended, and even though its all rank with religion and pride, Nothing is stopping me from willingly persuing the father. Nothing is holding me back from experiencing all that I can’t even imagine. nothing but my very own pride, laziness, and religion.

In an effort to “smooth my rough edges”, I have embarked on a journey of self diagnosis. The adjectives often tagged to me can be difficult for some to  level or accept would they themselves be labeled such, and I can see why. However, I have on occasion been willing to wear the labels as a sort of badge. Not something I am sure that I wish to do any longer. So, why am I the way that I am? was I indeed traumatized as a child and now this victim of life’s unjust malice roams the earth puking vile sarcasm on those close (and not so close) to him like a puss filled boil drained by the “new guy”? Am I simply void of sympathy and heart, thus making it impossible for me to overcome the desire to place reason over emotion? Enough with the rhetorical questions. Truth is I haven’t seen any fewer bad days than anyone else that’s reading this. And I’m certain that I haven’t seen any more. In fact I would have to say that life is as bitter and sweet for me as it has been for you. I keep people at a distance for my own safety. I decided along time ago that people were not to be trusted and that if you allow someone to come close enough to stab you in the heart, they probably will. It’s true, my outlook on humanity is quite grim to say the least. I’m no hypocrite though. I weigh myself on the same scale. I like the way Paul said, “That which I wish to do, I do not do. And that which I do not wish to do, It is that which I do”. The word also says, “the heart is treacherous above all else, who can know it?” Knowing that within my heart and mind lay pure evil, and also knowing that they have the capacity for good, burdens me with the understanding that I know quite well which I would choose for myself. So maybe I keep you at a distance because I fear either being hurt or betrayed by you, or I fear hurting and betraying you. I’m sure it’s a little of both. Either way it makes me a coward. Of course, tomorrow I could have another reason….

After reading through Steph’s blog, i remembered that I have a twitter account. I haven’t accessed it much but its there. I can be such a tool when it comes to this stuff.

Here are a few quotes from House, my new favorite show of all time.  You owe it to yourself to watch at least one episode. I think it cured me of hypochondria, but then I stoped watching for a week and I got dry skin.

Don’t mind the colorful language it’s not HBO it’s TV.

“I don’t ask why patients lie, I just assume they all do.”

“I’ve found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask.”

“…there’s no I in ‘team’. There is a me, though, if you jumble it up.”

“I was never that great a math, but next to nothing is higher than nothing, right?”

“Humanity is overrated.”

“Tests take time. Treatment’s quicker.”

“Patients sometimes get better. You have no idea why, but unless you give a reason they won’t pay you. Anybody notice if there’s a full moon? … let’s rule out the lunar god and go from there.”

“Occam’s Razor. The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up.”

“That’s a catchy diagnosis, you could dance to that.”

“Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we’re idiots cause we can’t figure out what’s causing it.”

“Never met a diagnostic study I couldn’t refute.”

“If he gets better, I’m right, if he dies, you’re right.”

“If her DNA was off by one percentage point she’d be a dolphin.”

“There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is — in fact — a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate.”

“You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a- I can’t think of a non-sexual metaphor.”

“Dying people lie too. Wish they’d worked less, been nicer, opened orphanages for kittens. If you really want to do something, you do it. You don’t save it for a sound bite.”

“Saying there appears to be some clotting is like saying there’s a traffic jam ahead. Is it a ten-car pile up, or just a really slow bus in the center lane? And if it is a bus, is that bus thrombotic or embolic? I think I pushed the metaphor too far.”

“You don’t like her shoes, you like her legs.”
- Adverse Events

“Not talking fever here, is she all curvy and perky?”
- Adverse Events

“Most idiots don’t have that much ambition.”
- Adverse Events

“But three unproven, untested drugs, it’s like the Mod Squad — no one can stop them.”
- Adverse Events

“Sex can be dismissed as hormonal or emotional and be genuinely regretted. Money is always a calculated decision.”
- Adverse Events

“World’s-sorest-knees-isil. Cuddy used to have that title by the way.”
- Adverse Events

“I know head and heart start with the same three letters, but you’ve got to read all the way to the end.”
- Adverse Events

“That’s a symptom of trying to cram hospital food down a throat he can barely get air down.”
- Adverse Events

“On the other hand, figured she probably wouldn’t figure me as the Photoshopping a photo and planting it in an obscure college paper type either.”
- Adverse Events

“A moment ago, you thought you were dying. Blind is actually good news.”
- Not Cancer

“Which means we have to remove your whole head. Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt.”
- Not Cancer

“What idiot wears argyle socks with construction boots?”
- Not Cancer

“Tell Foreman to get it: old people are scared of black people.”
- Not Cancer

“There’s the problem — he only had half a brain.”
- Not Cancer

“Cancer plays the field. Metastasis is just a fancy word for screws around.’”
- Not Cancer

“Okay, it is a long shot but it’s possible I’m an ass. Ironically, we need to do a colonoscopy to confirm.”
- Not Cancer

“You’re taking pictures of a guy having an affair with his own sister and you’re lecturing me about the rewards of trust?”
- Not Cancer

“Do you have a different rate plan for being a pain in the ass?”
- Not Cancer

“You’re a math teacher. I deduced you used to be a blind math teacher.”
- Not Cancer

“She’s not your type. Your type’s much stupider than her.”
- Not Cancer

“He wanted time alone. I considered being a horrendous pain in the ass, but I didn’t want to step on your turf.”
- Dying Changes Everything

“I dated her. Well, didn’t really date her, more metaphorically raped her by having a penis.”
- Dying Changes Everything

“Either she cracked under the whip, or she realized her evolutionary purpose is to arouse men, not castrate them.”
- Dying Changes Everything

“My patient’s still fighting in the feminist trenches, but the war is over. Yesterday’s sluts are today’s empowered women, today’s sluts are celebrities — if that isn’t progress.”
- Dying Changes Everything

“You can’t hide from misery.”
- Dying Changes Everything

“I respect things that earn respect. This decision, on the other hand, is a dog wearing a cape.”
- Dying Changes Everything

“Familiar with the concept of sarcasm? Don’t sweat it, it’s new.”
- Dying Changes Everything

“She dumped me after I lost those last eighty-five pounds. Said there was less of me to love.”
- Dying Changes Everything

“Your conscience bleeds more freely than my head.”
- Dying Changes Everything

“I like you better now that you’re dying.”
- Dying Changes Everything

“She’s scary. Why does scary need pathetic?”
- Don’t Ever Change

“People don’t change. For example, I’m gonna keep on repeating ‘people don’t change.’ ”
- Don’t Ever Change

“And I call you Cutthroat Bitch, well, quod erat demonstrandum. And I speak in Latin because I don’t try to hide what an ass I am.”
- Don’t Ever Change

“This isn’t just about the sex. You like her personality. You like that she’s conniving. You like that she has no regard for consequences. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves… Oh my God — you’re sleeping with me.”
- Don’t Ever Change

“How’s our mental Yentl?”
- Don’t Ever Change

“Slippery slope — today we withhold porn, tomorrow it’s clean bandages.”
- Frozen

“Coma Guy needs cable. Women’s billiards is the only thing keeping him alive.”
- Frozen

“I’m a complicated man: I loathe her for many reasons.”
- Frozen

“Only if you count Jenna Jameson’s autobiography as a gynecological text.”
- Frozen

“We could, but I’d never forgive myself if we found something before we got to your breasts. ”
- Frozen

“Did they teach that before or after the class on fondling your inner child?”
- Frozen

“Tell her to walk north until she runs into a hospital.”
- Frozen

“He drilled a hole in your skull after drinking your pee. I think he’s up for this.”
- Frozen

“Your theory is: I cared, therefore I let her keep her socks on? If that’s what love is, I don’t want anything to do with it. ”
- Frozen

If you have a functioning mouth, You will offend someone at some point in time.

If you have a functioning mind, You will offend someone at some point in time.

If you have any conviction, You will offend someone at some point in time.

If you don’t have convictions, You will offend someone at some point in time.

If you eat meat, You will offend someone at some point in time.

If you own a gun, you will offend someone at some point in time.

If you choose plastic (paper or plastic or I brought my own), You will offend someone at some point in time.

If you wear  animal products, you will offend someone at some point in time.

I could go on and on of course. Here is my point, Perhaps it’s not what we do that offends people but simply that people are offendable. We all have these sacred cows that unfortunately are at the the top of the menu for others. Lying offends me. But perhaps a person would lie out of fear or self preservation. Yet my dogmatic disdain for it would have me tear into that person. Corruption Offends me, but there’s a downward spiral that leads one to corruption. Yet, in the end I chooe to judge the person they became instead of the struggle that led them there. A couple words like Empathy and Sympathy would seem to be where we should focus. Instead of being so easily offended, perhaps we should react like Christ did when he encountered the CORRUPT tax collector, Or when he met the woman at the well that chose to withold her past from him.  Instead of getting our feather’s ruffled by something that doesn’t line up with our doctrine, theology, world view, etc. Perhaps we should look deep into whats offending us and ask ourselves, “Is that how others feel when they see me?” or “How would the Master react?” Did Christ offend people? Oh yes, You Gotta wonder about a species that would be offended at perfection at its creator.